Frustrated
September 14 2023 · Ryan Walpole
Last entry I posted I talked about how I was struggling to get rest and that I felt like I was constantly worn down to the bone. Truthfully, this seems to have worsened despite my best efforts to take a step back and try to get some relaxation. I spent a good 5 days not roleplaying or doing anything extraneous.
I went to Birb and Onyon's house on Saturday night for lasagne and then a late night nuggie run. As much as I loved it and really do enjoy going over there, especially for the spontaneous "Hey do you wanna come over? Mum's making fish pies/lasagne" moments... I couldn't wait to leave? Not that I wasn't enjoying myself, I just felt like the second I got there that I was already below empty on my social battery capacity.
By Monday afternoon I couldn't help but think.. I spent 5 days not roleplaying, not doing any weekend work... I hardly went anywhere, or did anything... why am I more tired than ever? Why am I so emotionally and physically drained? And it's not that I don't want to do things, I just feel like I simply cannot be fucked to?
It's fucking frustrating cause I'm not sure what to do. Usually I combat "I'm tired and drained" with getting rest and not doing anything, but it doesn't seem to be working. I did get a little bit of relaxation on the weekend, as I fired up Space Engineers and explored an old save. Can't believe it's been over 3 years since I last played when it feels like it was just yesterday. What's new. Time is fucked. Time is moving so fucking fast and I hardly have any time to process what's going on until it's over. I mean, five minutes ago I was playing Stardew Valley with Birb, Lakoola and Viki... right? Wrong. That entire campaign was finished, done and dusted over a year ago.
It may feel like five minutes ago but I was basically finished with my Dinkum campaign this time a year ago. Hell, I cut Viki out of my life just shy of 10 months ago which feels like ages ago and also yesterday at the same time. I'm glad we got out of that mess. Lakoola will always be one of the most important people in my life and if nothing else, for his mental health too, I'm glad we yeeted that bitch into the sunset. No amount of bullshit is worth a shitty friendship, no matter how nice that friendship was at some point in time.
In other news, I feel like I'm becoming pretty good friends with Beady. Beady plays my character's love interest in the Red Dead Roleplay. He's a really sweet, screwed on, generally easy to get along with bloke who I'm quite fond of. He's been particularly supportive of my recent slump and I feel like an idiot trying to articulate how appreciative I am of him for that. OH FUCK I ALMOST FORGOT. The fuckhead plumber that we hired to do my septic permit made the bombshell admission that he's actually done fuck all and that my permit won't infact be here this week, or last week, or a month ago when he originally said to expect it. Kind of very pissed off about that, actually. IT'S THE LAST FUCKING PIECE OF THE BUILDING PERMIT PUZZLE YOU FUCKING IDIOT. I could be literally building my house right now had he done everything on time, when he said he was doing it all...
Ugh.