The Diary of Ulrich Braun​

Letters to a Dead Brother​

The soft-covered leather bound journal is well kept, with neat handwriting and the occasional amateur sketch. The inside of the cover contains a note that reads: "Property of Ulrich Braun. If lost, return via mail to PO Box: 34312". The journal seems to be mostly a collection of letters to Ulrich's deceased brother, "Thomas" who is mentioned in the first entry. All entries are made in pencil with varying degrees of pressure throughout the text.

June 8 1902​

Dearest Thomas

Hey little man,

I don't really know what I'm doing. I mean, I know how to write a letter, sure, but I don't know how to write a letter to someone that isn't there anymore. It's been... what, six months since we put you in the ground now? I like to think you'd be proud of me little brother. When we buried you there were so many god damn people and all of them had a different story about you. Looking at all those faces and hearing all of those stories made me realise that I'd been doing myself a disservice by staying and helping mum and dad on the farm. I hadn't gone anywhere, or met anyone, or done really anything of any interest. When they go to put me in the ground next to you, what life will I have led? What stories could they possibly tell about me?

That didn't sit right with me after you died. It just felt like I was wasting my time. I boarded a ship to New Alexandria, United States a few months ago and after a long ass time at sea I finally stepped foot in a little coastal town called Blackwater, just over a month ago on May 6th. I've been so busy since I got here. Met this lovely lady Lucina on the boat, she's from back home - more North though. She has an interesting backstory but I'm more interested in how far she's come. When we arrived in Blackwater she was a mess, she was so afraid of everything - hated being in the weather, hated walking. She grew up very privileged with lots of money - but now she's just a badass, constantly running around meeting new people, not afraid to get her hands a bit dirty... she's something special. Her cousin Orin showed up a couple weeks or so into our time in the state, he's quiet and reserved - but a real tough guy. There's Orchid who's a big 7 foot tall giant but one of the sweetest people I know and then of course, Colette, a tiny French lady who has this miraculous ability to walk into a town by herself and come out of it with an entire group of new friends. Not to mention her ability to get every single shithead around her injured, all the while she goes flying at a thousand miles an hour into a tree and gets up like nothing happened.

Colette introduced me to a guy named Andy. Andy's amazing... you remember those girls we used to fawn over, the sisters down the road? He's like them, real pretty. He and I hit it off immediately and turns out I think I like him a bit more than just a friend, even if it took me a while to get comfortable with that. He seems like he wants to get to know me better and doesn't seem completely shut off to the idea of being with me, which is a good thing. I can't help but feel like he's holding back though... he's definitely hiding something. I just hope it's not a massive secret that's gonna leave me in danger or anything. Colette set us up on a "date". I'm no artist but I tried to sketch it, so I can treasure the memory forever.

I've done so many things.. so many adventures and friends already. I hunted Elk, Bears, Bucks... I've shot cougars and wolves. I've fractured my ribs, gotten kicked by way too many god damn fucking horses... I've mined, cut lumber, picked tobacco, picked apples, started smoking, hell, I've even been fucking robbed if you can believe it.

Some things don't change though, little man. Every time I see a raspberry bush, even if it's way off the side of the road, I still stop what I'm doing to go and pick them - just like we used to at Grandma and Pop's place. I can't believe I lost you and Grandma in the same year. Every time I pick a raspberry, I think of you both.

Rest easy little brother, you deserve to be at peace.

-Ulrich

The entry is written in pencil and includes a sketch. It looks like time was taken writing the entry, with deliberate pencil strokes and very little mistakes. There seem to be some very feint fingerprints on the page, almost like they had touched the fresh pencil led while the entry was being written.

June 9 1902

​

Tom,

I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing, all I know is that writing that letter yesterday was therapeutic for me - so I shall continue. I only wish I could actually send these to you for you to read, that I knew without uncertainty that you knew what I was doing and could be proud of me.

I didn't tell you enough about my friends in my previous letter, so let me rectify that and tell you a bit more about each of the people I consider my family since I arrived here. I think you'd get along with all of them so well, you always had a way with people.

Lucina; as I mentioned last time - a fellow Australian girl from up North. She seems to be awake a lot more than me and it's awe inspiring to say the least. I remember arriving in state with her and she was so nervous to talk to people, to get herself into some kind of trouble... yet now, just a month or so later I will walk into town with her by my side and she'll point out every single person and know their name and story. She's made quite the name for herself among locals and travellers. The girl who said she didn't cook because that was something the help does recently cooked us all steak and potatoes. She's special - not in the way that Andy is, but just, a special person.

Colette - whom I also mentioned in my last letter is like the manifestation of chaos in a tiny glass jar. It's impossible to be mad at her because she just lights up the room when she's around. Almost all of my best memories have Colette at the core of them. When we met she was riding on this beautiful big white Gypsy Cob horse that she called Marshmallow. Well, one day she rocked up on us on a different horse and had mentioned her giving Marshmallow away - I was heartbroken, but in true Colette fashion she noticed immediately and she bought Marshmallow back to give to me. It was one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me. It certainly more than makes up for all of the injuries I've sustained at some ridiculous hair-brained plans she's come up with.

Orchid is a gentle giant - incredibly tall and incredibly muscular, intimidating as all hell when you first see him. Wears a dead ram's head as a face covering so I don't actually know what he looks like under there. On the contrary to his appearance, he's one of the sweetest and more sensitive people I've met. He loves to pick flowers, is somewhat of a pacifist and keeps to himself most of the time. Getting to see him and talk to him is one of the highlights of my week, when it happens. He recently went flying off a cliff in the desert with Colette and Luce - sledding in the desert worked arguably less well than sledding in the snow.

Ash is a handsome guy from the big city, Saint Denis. He's incredibly kind and well put together but has really stepped out of his comfort zone to accompany us on some of our adventures. I actually almost killed the poor motherfucker... Colette's crazy plan of going "sledding" - which was actually just climbing a mountain in the snow and riding canoes down its basically vertical slope. He came flying out of his own canoe and just as he was standing up I, uncontrollably, ploughed right over the top of him. Thankfully after a brief amnesia, he wasn't too mad at me for it. He and Luce recently announced that they're officially dating - long overdue if you ask me, it already sort of felt like they were a thing. Ash is one of those special unique blokes that really make you feel comfortable when you meet him, and he definitely filled a void that was left by that asshole Isaac when we stopped being friends.

Speaking of... Isaac. Started out a promising friendship, albeit with some friendly brother-sister bullying toward Luce. That bullying got worse though and in the span of a few days he was being a raging cunt to her. He also has this tendency to claim that Luce has said something (like that she calls everyone an idiot) when that word is something no one has ever heard out of her mouth. He wasn't very respectful of Luce in the moment, nor the feelings inside of her head either. As sad as I am that I lost my first male friend, I don't want to be friends with someone like that.

Other highlights include Gabriel, whom I've only seen a handful of times - nice guy, handsome too! He got tortured by some sadistic fuck who put posters up around state detailing the torture. Sick. There's also Rush, an older gentleman who works in the gold trading business. He's great too, a lot of fun to be around and good quality conversation. Then there's Dakotah, Wise Eyes and War Buffalo - who live out West. There's also Imogene who Luce and I met on our first day in state. She helped us out very early on with some of the basics of being in state which I'll always be grateful for.

Anyway, I'll leave you with one last tale. Last weekend a group of us went and rented a steam boat and used it to get out onto an island in the bay between Blackwater and Rhodes. Ash, Luce, Colette, Orin and I all went in the night and sure enough, Colette got injured and needed medical attention from the locals. The stupid bitch made me count to 10 as a chicken to take her mind off the pain - which is now regretfully something I'll never be able to live down. I got to have a really good chat to Ash (who I have a habit of calling Big D. Inside joke) about his relationship with Luce, my relationship... or lack thereof... with Andy as well as our own friendship. I tried my best to sketch a memory of us standing on the beach looking out on the water. Definitely not quitting my day job to become an artist.

Rest easy little brother,

Ulrich 

The entry is written in pencil and contains many scribbled notes on the page before it, some of which are hardly legible. There is a sketch that appears underneath the scribbled notes.

June 15 1902​

Tom,

I've had a long week and haven't had time to sit down and write anything down but I'm sitting in a cart right now with an old man named Greg Figgins and aside from having to occasionally check in with him and make sure he's not flying about the cabin, now seems like a better time than ever. Let's start chronologically.

I went on a date with Andy last weekend... well.. I thought it was a date but when I thanked him for the date he questioned if it was really a date. Either way, it was probably the best time I've spent with Andy since I got here. No more awkward silence or gaps in conversation, we spoke for hours. He took me to some lookout between Valentine, the oil rig and Emerald. It was beautiful - especially the sunset. It seems Andy and I have a little more in common than either of us thought. He told me about his friends for the first time and we bonded over our mutual distaste for the useless railway and the oil rig. I suggested perhaps we could go rough it up sometime and he seemed interested in that idea, so maybe we'll go do that sometime.

I know I told mum and dad I'd be obeying the law, lord knows I want to stay out of trouble, but man, this place has so many fucking stupid rules. Makes it really difficult too, being friends with a Judge and Luce - who takes the law so seriously that I catch her opening her "laws and ordinances" book every now and then to check that what we're doing is legal. I mean, I got yelled at for riding my horse too fast like 20 feet from the edge of the Blackwater perimeter. They say it's so you don't "run into somebody" but clearly it's some sort of power trip thing because where I got told to slow down, I had a view of about... 7 miles across the plains. Not to mention, there's this rule that you can't climb on any of the rooves in certain towns... towns with single storey buildings where even if you did fall and trip, you'd be fine. Where does this rule not apply though? The towns and cities with giant buildings where if you were to fall you'd seriously injure yourself. To top it off, I learned that you cannot legally make alcohol unless you have a business license. Not even if you just want to drink it yourself and not sell it. I tell you, when you have to apply for a license to wipe your own ass - I won't be surprised. Not here anyway. I just hope if Andy and I do anything rebellious I manage to keep Luce and Ash out of it. I love them dearly, they're great friends of mine, I don't want to lose them because of some stupid rules.

Later on I went up to Coulter with Ash, Luce, Orin, Darcy, Colette and Mannuel. We went "Snow sliding" which was really just rolling down the mountain in the snow. It was cold and I feel like there's still snow in places I didn't know existed. They took us up a mountain where I got a history lesson on a "Lord Nut". Lord Nut is a taxidermy squirrel holding a miniature gun, frozen at the top of the mountain. It was ridiculous, I don't know what I was expecting. Great view though! Ash asked me about my date with Andy and even though I kept saying I'd had a great time and it was my best date yet, he kept telling me what to do and that what I was doing was wrong... I appreciate the advice, but jeez... way to put me down. To top it all off he took one of my insecurities out of context and used it to try score points with Luce. I've been meaning to talk to him about it for days but he won't respond to my telegrams asking to chat and even now, he's around, but he didn't want to ride in the cart with me - instead they're riding their horse outside the cart... even after I made sure to leave them a seat so they could be together.

Speaking of carts, this isn't the first cart adventure I've been on this week. On Monday we all went and rented a cart and travelled around New Alexandria. I've never been flown around so much, or been thrown so far and hard as I was. I was stationed hanging off the side of the cart. It's an absolute miracle that none of us got injured, especially with Colette at the helm. We ended up in the Big Valley and some of the folk that live there weren't particularly excited about our presence, even if we were just sitting by the creek. One of them, Ramona I think? Real attitude on her. Apparently she's been spreading shit about Colette behind her back.

I miss you little brother. I feel like this last week things have just been slipping away from me. I keep inadvertently pushing people I care about away, or letting my emotions get in the way. Sometimes just them trying to help feels like an attack. I don't know what to do.

Give me a sign, little brother. Something that'll tell me what to do.

Mr Figgins is complaining about something so I must leave the stories for now.

Love ya,

Ulrich 

The entry is written in pencil and contains a few sketches as well as some sort of poem - one that has many crossed out words. It is clear it took some attempts to finish it.

June 20 1902​

Tom,

I'm feeling a little bit lost right now. I managed to finally have a chat with Ash, and things are good there - which is great... but I can't help but still feel a little off about my life right now. I feel out of place most days. More often than not I feel like I'm just following my friends around, being invited to come along purely as an extension. Luce and Ash are always doing their cute little schemes, Colette and Darcy are bonding over alcohol, Darcy and Orin are getting along like a house on fire... meanwhile I get shoved in the wagon with Mr Figgins with no one to talk to. Everyone's got their special person but me. Orin and Darcy, Colette and Jean Claude, Ash and Luce... and then there's me. Even now, Luce and Ash are walking off with Melody right past me without saying anything. Trail along behind, I shall.

Things with Andy are... strange. I think he likes Luce. He's always flirty with her, including in front of me... He pats her on the head, smiles down at her - things he never does with me. He told me in conversation he prefers boys, so what does that say about me that he'd prefer to flirt with all the ladies in my life in front of me when I'm standing right there. I can't help but feel like he's doing it on purpose at this point and yet I'm still sitting here waiting for his next letter. What's wrong with me? Am I not young enough? Am I not handsome enough? I geniuinely like him, a lot, and yet I feel myself sad more often than not around him. We took a ride around New Alexandria together and it was so nice, he tried some Australian language - learned some new slang... even taught him about Koalas, Emus and Kangaroos. He thought Kangaroos were rat sized, boy was he shocked to hear the truth. I promised I'd draw a picture, since he couldn't imagine it.

I miss you. I hate that I'm complaining about my problems to you when you literally died fighting for what you believed in. No problem I could have would ever match what you had to go through, and I'm sorry. I know, I'm tone deaf. I wish you were here to give me advice. You were always better with the ladies, maybe you'd be able to help me with Andy.

I'm still waiting on that sign... unless of course your "sign" was my arm getting broken the other day. In that case, don't send any more signs.

Love you,

Ulrich 

The entry is written in pencil and contains many scribbled notes on the page before it, some of which are hardly legible. There is a sketch that appears underneath the scribbled notes.

June 15 1902​

Tom,

I've had a long week and haven't had time to sit down and write anything down but I'm sitting in a cart right now with an old man named Greg Figgins and aside from having to occasionally check in with him and make sure he's not flying about the cabin, now seems like a better time than ever. Let's start chronologically.

I went on a date with Andy last weekend... well.. I thought it was a date but when I thanked him for the date he questioned if it was really a date. Either way, it was probably the best time I've spent with Andy since I got here. No more awkward silence or gaps in conversation, we spoke for hours. He took me to some lookout between Valentine, the oil rig and Emerald. It was beautiful - especially the sunset. It seems Andy and I have a little more in common than either of us thought. He told me about his friends for the first time and we bonded over our mutual distaste for the useless railway and the oil rig. I suggested perhaps we could go rough it up sometime and he seemed interested in that idea, so maybe we'll go do that sometime.

I know I told mum and dad I'd be obeying the law, lord knows I want to stay out of trouble, but man, this place has so many fucking stupid rules. Makes it really difficult too, being friends with a Judge and Luce - who takes the law so seriously that I catch her opening her "laws and ordinances" book every now and then to check that what we're doing is legal. I mean, I got yelled at for riding my horse too fast like 20 feet from the edge of the Blackwater perimeter. They say it's so you don't "run into somebody" but clearly it's some sort of power trip thing because where I got told to slow down, I had a view of about... 7 miles across the plains. Not to mention, there's this rule that you can't climb on any of the rooves in certain towns... towns with single storey buildings where even if you did fall and trip, you'd be fine. Where does this rule not apply though? The towns and cities with giant buildings where if you were to fall you'd seriously injure yourself. To top it off, I learned that you cannot legally make alcohol unless you have a business license. Not even if you just want to drink it yourself and not sell it. I tell you, when you have to apply for a license to wipe your own ass - I won't be surprised. Not here anyway. I just hope if Andy and I do anything rebellious I manage to keep Luce and Ash out of it. I love them dearly, they're great friends of mine, I don't want to lose them because of some stupid rules.

Later on I went up to Coulter with Ash, Luce, Orin, Darcy, Colette and Mannuel. We went "Snow sliding" which was really just rolling down the mountain in the snow. It was cold and I feel like there's still snow in places I didn't know existed. They took us up a mountain where I got a history lesson on a "Lord Nut". Lord Nut is a taxidermy squirrel holding a miniature gun, frozen at the top of the mountain. It was ridiculous, I don't know what I was expecting. Great view though! Ash asked me about my date with Andy and even though I kept saying I'd had a great time and it was my best date yet, he kept telling me what to do and that what I was doing was wrong... I appreciate the advice, but jeez... way to put me down. To top it all off he took one of my insecurities out of context and used it to try score points with Luce. I've been meaning to talk to him about it for days but he won't respond to my telegrams asking to chat and even now, he's around, but he didn't want to ride in the cart with me - instead they're riding their horse outside the cart... even after I made sure to leave them a seat so they could be together.

Speaking of carts, this isn't the first cart adventure I've been on this week. On Monday we all went and rented a cart and travelled around New Alexandria. I've never been flown around so much, or been thrown so far and hard as I was. I was stationed hanging off the side of the cart. It's an absolute miracle that none of us got injured, especially with Colette at the helm. We ended up in the Big Valley and some of the folk that live there weren't particularly excited about our presence, even if we were just sitting by the creek. One of them, Ramona I think? Real attitude on her. Apparently she's been spreading shit about Colette behind her back.

I miss you little brother. I feel like this last week things have just been slipping away from me. I keep inadvertently pushing people I care about away, or letting my emotions get in the way. Sometimes just them trying to help feels like an attack. I don't know what to do.

Give me a sign, little brother. Something that'll tell me what to do.

Mr Figgins is complaining about something so I must leave the stories for now.

Love ya,

Ulrich 

The entry is written in pencil and contains many scribbled notes on the page before it, some of which are hardly legible. There is a sketch that appears underneath the scribbled notes.

June 15 1902​

Tom,

I've had a long week and haven't had time to sit down and write anything down but I'm sitting in a cart right now with an old man named Greg Figgins and aside from having to occasionally check in with him and make sure he's not flying about the cabin, now seems like a better time than ever. Let's start chronologically.

I went on a date with Andy last weekend... well.. I thought it was a date but when I thanked him for the date he questioned if it was really a date. Either way, it was probably the best time I've spent with Andy since I got here. No more awkward silence or gaps in conversation, we spoke for hours. He took me to some lookout between Valentine, the oil rig and Emerald. It was beautiful - especially the sunset. It seems Andy and I have a little more in common than either of us thought. He told me about his friends for the first time and we bonded over our mutual distaste for the useless railway and the oil rig. I suggested perhaps we could go rough it up sometime and he seemed interested in that idea, so maybe we'll go do that sometime.

I know I told mum and dad I'd be obeying the law, lord knows I want to stay out of trouble, but man, this place has so many fucking stupid rules. Makes it really difficult too, being friends with a Judge and Luce - who takes the law so seriously that I catch her opening her "laws and ordinances" book every now and then to check that what we're doing is legal. I mean, I got yelled at for riding my horse too fast like 20 feet from the edge of the Blackwater perimeter. They say it's so you don't "run into somebody" but clearly it's some sort of power trip thing because where I got told to slow down, I had a view of about... 7 miles across the plains. Not to mention, there's this rule that you can't climb on any of the rooves in certain towns... towns with single storey buildings where even if you did fall and trip, you'd be fine. Where does this rule not apply though? The towns and cities with giant buildings where if you were to fall you'd seriously injure yourself. To top it off, I learned that you cannot legally make alcohol unless you have a business license. Not even if you just want to drink it yourself and not sell it. I tell you, when you have to apply for a license to wipe your own ass - I won't be surprised. Not here anyway. I just hope if Andy and I do anything rebellious I manage to keep Luce and Ash out of it. I love them dearly, they're great friends of mine, I don't want to lose them because of some stupid rules.

Later on I went up to Coulter with Ash, Luce, Orin, Darcy, Colette and Mannuel. We went "Snow sliding" which was really just rolling down the mountain in the snow. It was cold and I feel like there's still snow in places I didn't know existed. They took us up a mountain where I got a history lesson on a "Lord Nut". Lord Nut is a taxidermy squirrel holding a miniature gun, frozen at the top of the mountain. It was ridiculous, I don't know what I was expecting. Great view though! Ash asked me about my date with Andy and even though I kept saying I'd had a great time and it was my best date yet, he kept telling me what to do and that what I was doing was wrong... I appreciate the advice, but jeez... way to put me down. To top it all off he took one of my insecurities out of context and used it to try score points with Luce. I've been meaning to talk to him about it for days but he won't respond to my telegrams asking to chat and even now, he's around, but he didn't want to ride in the cart with me - instead they're riding their horse outside the cart... even after I made sure to leave them a seat so they could be together.

Speaking of carts, this isn't the first cart adventure I've been on this week. On Monday we all went and rented a cart and travelled around New Alexandria. I've never been flown around so much, or been thrown so far and hard as I was. I was stationed hanging off the side of the cart. It's an absolute miracle that none of us got injured, especially with Colette at the helm. We ended up in the Big Valley and some of the folk that live there weren't particularly excited about our presence, even if we were just sitting by the creek. One of them, Ramona I think? Real attitude on her. Apparently she's been spreading shit about Colette behind her back.

I miss you little brother. I feel like this last week things have just been slipping away from me. I keep inadvertently pushing people I care about away, or letting my emotions get in the way. Sometimes just them trying to help feels like an attack. I don't know what to do.

Give me a sign, little brother. Something that'll tell me what to do.

Mr Figgins is complaining about something so I must leave the stories for now.

Love ya,

Ulrich 

The start of the entry is composed as if his hands were shaking when he was writing. The pencil strokes seem to become more stable the further down the page.

July 3 1902

​

Tom,

It would be an understatement to say it's been an interesting couple of days, so I guess I'll harness all three of my braincells to try and work everything out and start from the beginning. I woke up in Strawberry behind the stables - yeah, still kind of homeless, but working on it - anyway, Marshmallow had escaped from the stablemaster and was running about outside of the pen. I start whistling like an idiot, and just like her owner before me - she's directionally challenged and can't work out how to get to me. I take a stroll out front and who do I run into? None other than Anderson Pink, with Marshmallow by his side. "I'd recognise you and that horse anywhere" he says, his stupid fucking toothy grin sending shivers down my stupid spine.

It was nice though. He invited me to tag along to New Austin with him to check out a saloon that was unfortunately closed. We had a really good chat on the ride, though. We were riding over a bridge and he punched a bird that was perched - it was very strange, but then he said something along the lines of "Now that I know you don't like the fuckers, I'm gonna punch them all" which just made my heart melt. As if that wasn't enough he then sang some songs - one in English, the other in Spanish. We met a perky little chatterbox named Sylvie Silkirk, who was just lovely. She accompanied us on a wild coyote-chase for a girl named Nellie, who goes by Coyote. She taught us some lessons of the coyote which was quite entertaining.

I'm not sure if I'm delusional or not but I think Andy and I shared a moment during that. We were sitting next to each other and I sort of unintentionally rested my hand on his knee. I noticed almost as soon as I did it, but didn't know really what to do so I just left it there. He leaned into me a little bit and played with some of the stringy bits on my coat.

Yesterday we went on a bit of an excursion to Guarma. As it turns out Andy had never been and it's basically his dream place. I bought him a ticket and we went off with Darcy, Ash and Luce. He and I walked together most of the day while Darcy, Ash and Luce walked ahead... I have a feeling they were doing that on purpose. We sat in the sand together, hiked up to the waterfall, explored the fort... it was a really good time. He told me about this place in Mexico where there's this sky-exposed cave with beaches and stuff. Sounded beautiful. I must have been feeling confident or something cause I kept brushing my hand against his. On probably the third attempt, he brushed his hand back against mine and sort of pulled my arm around him. It was nice... he also told me I look better without my vest on when I took it off to swim. First time anyone's ever looked at me shirtless and been into it, I think.

I finally met Fletcher last night, too. Long overdue I think. He's lovely - handsome too, though I'm fairly sure him and Percival are seeing each other based on their body language on the way up to Coulter. Unfortunately my memory is a little rough from then onward... I hit my head somehow.. then I was on the back of Darcy's horse... I woke up in Blackwater? No idea... I did remember however planning something for my birthday, so today I woke up and made some invitation cards for my friends to send out. So far I've invited....

• Darcy (good friend, alcohol supplier)

• Luce (best friend, snacks and catering)

• Ash (best friend, likely to get kidnapped on the way)

• Colette (best friend, likely to do the kidnapping on the way)

• Orchid (special friend, will probably bring flowers...)

• Gabriel (good friend, nice to look at, has a great ass)

• Andy (complicated, kind of praying I get a birthday kiss)

• Rush (good friend, likely to drink all of us under the table)

• Fletcher (new friend, also nice to look at. told him to bring a plus one if he'd like)

• Sylvie (new friend, hoping she gets to meet some nice folk)

I don't have Melody's contact details so going to ask Luce to invite her on my behalf. I just hope people don't make a big deal out of the whole birthday thing. It's not like I'm excited to continue aging when I feel like the last 4 years have gone by in a snap.

Last thing I can think of to tell you is that Andy and I joked around about starting a life bible. "Pinkrich's Gudie To Life" or some bullshit. All sparked because I said "You're only as smart as those who teach you" and he really liked that.

Wish you could come to my birthday buddy. I think you'd like all the friends I've made here.

Miss and love you,

Ulrich 

The entry is written incredibly neatly, as if a lot of time was taken writing it. There is a sketch that seems to have been cut from another page and glued into the journal carefully. The sketch depicts Ulrich and Andy at Ulrich's birthday party.

July 7 1902

​

Twenty-six years old, another year down...

Today's going to be an interesting day. I don't think any of my usual company are going to be awake or available today when I am so I guess what better to do with my time than sit and think about what it means to grow older... and of course, to tell you all about it. It's been an interesting couple of days, that's for sure.

It was the fourth of July out here in the big ol' U, S of A. Apparently it's quite a big deal because everyone was making a big stink of it. Went on a little hunting trip with Andy to buy fireworks. I made a complete and utter fucking ass of myself, continually, throughout the entire trip. I think Marshmallow inherited Colette's Frenchy knack of wanting to embarrass me in front of people I'm trying to impress. For some reason whenever I'm alone with Andy I just can't stop doing dumb things, saying dumb things, falling off of cliffs and horses and... it's just getting stupid at this point, really. Just when I think he's starting to like me I do something stupid. Not to mention, when I do something impressive Marshmallow is right on cue to ruin it by running up and tackling me. I love her but she's got a real annoying habit of only acting up at the worst times.

Luce and I picked a lot of oranges and apples getting ready for last night. We settled on candied oranges, apple something or other and donuts. I also went and raided Darcy's campsite for alcohol. Must remember to pay her next I see her. Helped Ash escort some state funds from Valentine to Saint Denis as well. Felt like a proper bodyguard - was kind of cool. I'd never become a lawman but a bodyguard? Perhaps. I still don't know what I want to do in state. I thought I'd go into something to do with farming but I just don't know where to start.

Yesterday was the big birthday-not-birthday party. I was really worried it was going to go horribly but to my surprise, it went really well. I thought giving people a few days to respond was enough but evidently not. Most invited didn't write back at all, but that's okay. Sylvie, Andy and Fletcher joined Colette, Luce, Ash and I at the parlour house where we had drinks and food together. We had so many laughs that my cheeks actually started to hurt. Of course half of these motherfuckers didn't read my fucking invitation and almost immediately the "Happy Birthdays" started rolling in as well as a few gifts... assholes.

Ash gifted me a whole ass handgun. Real pretty one - totally unnecessary and must find a way to slip it back into his pockets when he's finished developing this vaccine or whatever he's doing isolated for the next month. Colette gifted me a feathered bracelet thing, a machete, a pipe and some tobacco. Far too generous she is, seeing as she's been so sick she only just got the invite the day before. I'm really lucky to have such good friends. Andy's gift was a little more... intimate, I suppose. I think. I don't know. He told me to hold my gift with my eyes closed and then he started undoing my vest and shirt buttons... I could feel myself getting red, my breathing getting sharp.. It felt like his hands were shaking a little as he wrapped this red ribbon around my neck. I think it took me a few minutes to properly recover from the whole thing, if I'm honest. He has a matching ribbon that he put on before winking at me.

I thought it was a sweet gesture but Colette keeps getting my mind to run on fire by calling it a "collar" and saying it was some sort of gesture to claim me or something. I mean, he still flirts with Ash and Luce and everyone under the sun in front of me so I doubt it... but I can't stop thinking about the few moments we've had recently - some as simple as just him leaning up against me. After Andy and Fletcher fucked off to bed we decided to play some hide and seek around Rhodes. I think I came out on top with the best hiding place seeing as Luce and Sylvie were seeking me directly above me and had no idea! Turns out the basement of the gunsmith is a great place to hide.

Colette, Sylvie and I ran into a Russian fella named Anton. Nice guy, funny and knows how to have a laugh. He's a refreshing addition to the group - not afraid of a little danger, an actual soul behind his eyes, bounces off of us real nice. Colette and I took him and got him initiated into the Fwench Cheese by doing a little mountain climbing. There's a really nice lookout up there that I think I may take Andy to next time I see him. I know he doesn't like the cold but maybe he'll rug up to me for warmth. I've been thinking maybe I should make a move to test the waters... who knows. Maybe if I'm feeling confident.

Drew a little sketch of Andy and I sitting on the floor of the parlour house during the party. He smelled good.

Anyway, talk soon lil brother. Thinking of you always.

Love Ulrich

The entry looks like it was written by someone with shaky hands. Perhaps the author was nervous? It's the first entry not to be addressed to anyone.

July 9 1902

​

Andy's behind me... He's sleeping.

That feels like as good of a way as any to start this one. I can't sit here forever staring at the paper wondering how to write what I'm feeling. After my last entry I fully expected not to see any of my friends for my birthday. I mean, Ash is locked in his house... Luce is stuck at his side, Orin is nowhere to be seen and I was sure Andy would be sleeping by the time I woke up. To my surprise, though, Andy stayed up for me.

We sat in the Saloon at Valentine for hours just chatting. We talked about a myriad of things but the one that sticks out the most to me is where I asked him for advice. What do you do, when you want to do or say something, but you're too scared to do or say it out of fear that the reaction won't be what you're hoping for? Well, his advice was, "Don't think about it. Always worked for me". It turned out to be good advice, as soon after I escorted him back to Emerald so he could get some shut eye and I just... I couldn't not take his advice. He walked up the stairs to the saloon, I was a step beneath him. I looked into his eyes and in a pinch I asked him.

"I want to try not thinking... can you stand still?"

I ran my hands up his arms, I think to try and calm me down. Didn't fucking work. Then I did it! I stopped thinking. I leaned in and I gently kissed him. Thankfully, after what felt like forever and his review - "not bad" - classic Andy... he grabbed me by the shirt and pulled me in for a kiss I can only describe as feeling like what I've been missing in any other relationship I've ever been in. Best birthday present ever. I told Colette straight away as she was in Valentine talking to Ramona about some misunderstandings. She had a fucking thick bear bone to give me from Rush with Andy's name engraved in it. First the collar, then the bone... Starting to think, what do these motherfuckers think I am? A fucking dog? Told Rush I was gonna slap him the next time I see him.

I woke up scared this morning. Was Andy going to mention anything? Was he going to pretend like nothing happened? Was it a one off? Was he going to leap into my arms the second I saw him? I took my mind off of it by making a delivery of willow bark to a Dr. Lewis Loveless in Blackwater. Made an absolute fucking embarrassment out of myself there. Apparently I'm still not over my anxiousness of being in large groups of people because as much as I was looking forward to meeting him finally, I arrived to like 20 horses and 15 people around. I stuttered over my words like a fucking idiot, of course, because at this point I basically am just a moron. Dr. Loveless seemed really grateful for the donation and his partner Mato wanted to bite me before offering to buy logs from me. Continued on by going to New Austin to scope out the ranching scene. Met a few lovely gentlemen named Christian Alderson and Icarus Hoofhorn over a month ago, so I reached out and headed up to check out their ranch. They gave me so much information on everything and offered me and Andy some work experience. Imogene was there which was lovely. Haven't seen her in far too long, so, nice to know if I end up doing some work here that I'll be running into her far more often. The only person I met that I'm not sure on is this older man named Charlie. He made a few flirty comments toward me and kept bringing up that he "had" to meet Andy. He's not a bad guy or anything, just, comments a lot on things. God forbid I blush at a comment about Andy when they all started talking about my "collar". The second he sees me blush, that's what we're talking about I guess... He also calls me pickle because of my green shirt. Not sure how I feel about that one.

I left the ranch to go meet with Andy in Valentine though I took a bit of a tumble at Manzanita Post when Marshmallow decided she didn't want to play hug the grizzly. Bruised and scratched my face up just as I was on my way to see Andy. Well, I got to Valentine and the first thing he did was pull me in for a kiss, then he kissed my bruise. I guess that answers my question. We decided to ride out here to New Austin to check out the ranch - so he could get an idea of what I had been doing all day I suppose. Just before we reached Armadillo, my embarrassing habit of ruining everything struck for the millionth time and I got shot by a local who decided I looked at him funny or something. This is gonna sound fucked up but I don't mind the fact that I got shot. I mean, it's painful. And annoying. And inconvenient... but Andy... seeing him pace around, tapping impatiently waiting for a doctor, trying his best to help me. He was worried about me. He sat with me, held my hand, made me feel safe when the adrenaline finally wore off and I started to crash...

Deputies showed up as I was being stitched up and asked Andy some questions about the ordeal. I overheard Andy refer to me as "my man" a couple of times. I don't know what the fuck happened, but that kiss I gave him just... must have made something click I guess. Just a few hours ago we finally reached the ranch. I asked him to stay with me despite there being plenty of beds. I just didn't want to be alone. We climbed into this tiny single bed together and... well... Andy's very touchy feel-y and I wasn't inclined to stop him, I'll say that much. I didn't really know what I was doing - I mean I didn't even take my shirt off. I hope I did an alright job though I'm scared shitless that he's going to second guess things now... I mean he's always talking about how it isn't his first rodeo - he's probably never been with anyone as inexperienced as I am. I guess we'll talk about it in the morning when we're both awake.

He's really cute when he's asleep. Hell. He's really cute full stop.

Going to try slide into his arms and pretend like I've been there with him the whole time. I feel really lucky right now.

[The following words seem to have been written many times, erased and rewritten]

With your eyes on me, I start to tremble,

Always you, might be forever.

Blurry lines... I can't remember,

Fighting words I want to tell ya.

I don't care where you have been...

I don't mind your lips on my skin,

Blurry lines, I can't remember

Fighting words I want to tell ya.

The page looks less like a letter or an entry, more like scribbled notes and thoughts that have little to do with each other, except for Andy's name being consistently mentioned in various notes.

July 9 10 1902

Fella asked how long we've been dating...

Are we dating? What are we?

Friends that share a bed? More? Less? Fucked if I know...

Charlie

Roach and Blue? Andy?

Andy said he'd been robbed by Roach when I got robbed by him.

WHEN DOES THE HAPPY

OUTWEIGH ALL THE SCARY?

I GUESS IT ALL COMES DOWN TO

HOPE

What am I not being told?

I know Andy. I trust Andy.

Maybe he's not ready.

How do you know when you're ready...

too fast

not fast enough

Luce + Kebbesu

Luce more purple

do I tell andy about childhood?

will he trust me and be honest with me then?

How do I tell everyone?

What would I even say?

BRICK BY BRICK

I'M BREAKING DOWN...

THESE WALLS?

BETWEEN YOU AND ME

...

FUCK 

The page looks carefully written - as if the author took their time writing the words. It is neat and there are no mistakes.

July 13 1902​

Thomas.

So many things have happened in the last couple of days. I woke up the next morning in Andy's arms and it was the first night in years that I haven't had night terrors over what happened to us as kids. He made me feel safe, protected... dare I say loved? I wasn't really sure what this meant for us... I tried my absolute best to pry myself out of bed - took a while but I got there. Met with Chris, Hoof and the others.

Chris is a handsome fella that runs the ranch. They call him "Boss" or "Boss man". He's incredibly kind - he made sure to tell me all I wanted to know about ranching. He was really one of the kindest people I've met in state so far. He told me everything I needed to know, filled me in on the rules of the ranch and offered me work as a ranch hand. He did this with his partner Icarious Hoofhorn - who's lovingly just called "Hoof". Those two are very cute together, a match made in heaven dare I say. Hoof was equally helpful, offering information to fill in all of the gaps. They both took me to Macfarlane's with Fella, Army, Imogene and Charlie. Some others too I think, but those were the only names I caught really.

Fella's a cute fella. Real small guy, very bright and fun. A real character - soul between his eyes. He's getting married to Army, the master of tequila! Army's a fun guy, has about 30 different titles, sort of like Luce. They're getting married this week. I really hope I can make it but it's sort of inconvenient by my pocket watch. Anyway... I bought two cows! Named the purple-ish one Luce and the brown one Kebbesu. They're real bitchy cows, need a lot of work before they're producing anything and they love to run from me when I'm trying to get them to go places. Hoof and Chris both chipped in to get the cows for me, helping me escort them back to the ranch where Andy was waiting for me by the gate.

He grabbed me by the collar from Marshmallow and pulled me down to his level for a kiss. Never gonna get sick of that boy kissing me. I introduced Andy to Chris, Hoof and the others and they agreed to bring Andy and I on to the ranch together - fully understanding our plans of opening our own ranch. Andy called me puppy infront of everyone. Not once, but twice. I'm afraid to admit it but I kind of like it, feels like it's his way of saying I'm his - which is okay with me. Charlie came up to us as the storm was rolling in and wanted to talk to Andy. Said he was told they needed to meet, by Blue and Roach. Andy went all stiff and weird about it until I gave him a kiss on the nose before we headed in out of the rain. After the storm, Fella asked me if the nickname, "Puppy" was just for Andy's use or not. I was honest, I hadn't really had time to process it for myself. Made me giggle and blush like a girl on a first date. Basically melted into the dirt and sand then on the spot. He thinks it's adorable. Asked how long we've been dating and I started to think, or rather, overthink. Are we dating? Are we just friends that fuck? I thought I was going to have to deal with those thoughts for a while but to my surprise the next time I saw Andy he had answers for me.

We sat under the porch outside our room and Andy started opening up about everything. He let me know that he was a part of the same gang that Roach and Blue are in - and their real names are James and Sebastian Dunn. He talked about how he ended up with them and how he wants to break away from them. Leave the gang on fair terms. He said that he doesn't want to keep any secrets anymore and that he'd already come clean to Chris and Hoof. I was so proud of him, if a little hurt to hear that he's in the same gang that robbed me and left me scared. He also told me that he loves me. Said that he had lost count of how long he'd been off heroin because he was waking up thinking about me instead. The second he said he loved me, there was no doubt in my feelings. Not a single doubt in my mind. We sat and cried together about everything before I told him

It's always been you Andy, It was always going to be you.

​

So I guess that's it.

Andy and I are in love! No. Not that simple it seems. It felt like a perfect couple of days. We met Luce and Colette, Andy told them everything he had told me... in a little less detail perhaps. They both found out that we were a couple. I couldn't stop myself from kissing him and holding his hand and all that gay shit. I started to think nothing could go wrong. Colette and Dakotah are asking us to take over their ranch and business license, which will give us a head start and Andy wants to do all sorts of charity stuff with the products we get. I've never been so in love with a person. The way he talks about helping the less fortunate like his mum used to do on their family ranch when he was a child made me want to cry.

We took Luce mining to try make some cash. I told him I needed to come clean about some of my own demons. The shit that happened to us as kids has haunted me for far too long and now with you dead, the only people that know are me and the bastard that did it to us. He's going to see the scars eventually, the second I get the courage to take my shirt off in the bedroom. I told him I wanted to tell him but I wasn't ready yet. I took a puff of his cigarette, blew the smoke right back into his mouth with a kiss. It was very romantic, I think... but perhaps I need to build my tolerance to cannabis up a little, cause I was giggling for the next hour. Here's where things get a little... unclear. I kissed him goodnight and he gave me a weird reaction. I tried not to overthink it, but then...

I woke up today and headed into town to get a few things done. Some blokes rocked up on me thinking I was Fletcher Beckett - with the new haircut and all. I guess I can see it. He's much prettier than me though. I got a telegram from Andy after the storm saying he missed my smile. I thought things would be good then. Got back to the ranch and he started talking about how he prefers me in yellow to green. We went on a little trip to Rhodes to check out Sylvie's new place. It was a nice outing but he made a few comments that hurt a little. Said he's not sure he feels anything at all. Does that mean he doesn't feel love for me? Was he just caught up in the moment by saying that? He didn't kiss me at all today. Not a single time. I told him on the way back to New Austin that if he wanted to rethink me and him, that he could. He said he's never been so okay with things before... I started opening up a little about what happened to us as children but he sort of shut down. He said he was tired and wanted to sleep but... I don't know. Now I don't know if I should bring it up at all.

He also started telling Sylvie and I about a guy he thought he loved a long time ago that made Andy feel like a slave. Used heroin to control him. It sounded fucked up... maybe he's reflecting on the idea of love and is having second thoughts. I've decided to power on through, though. First thing I did when he went to sleep in Armadillo was send him a telegram saying he owes me extra kisses in the absence of any today. Since I was stuck in Armadillo, I took Crack for a ride. It's about time me and that big dumb mule got some time to bond one on one. Turns out he's pretty friendly. Must have gotten used to my face - or at least, what parts of my face he can process in that little empty head of his. He helped me take the cows out for a graze and then I rode him all the way to Emerald to go pick wheat with Luce.

Oh, speaking of Sylvie. She's a fucking delight. You'd love her, little brother. She's the type of gal I could see you with to be honest. Ditsy, a little clueless - but in a cute way. She looks and dresses like she has story to her. And boy is she a good storyteller. Told me a beautiful poem she'd written at my birthday dinner when everyone left and we were waiting for Colette. She let Andy and I know how much she appreciated us being open with her and she opened up to us. Told us she wasn't born in the right body, I think. She mentioned being born her father's son and that she had to leave her home and go far away because no one there could accept that. I told her what I thought. You can pick and choose which parts of your past define you and which parts you want to bring with you. She's Sylvie Selkirk. The cute little chatterbox that's going to be running her own delivery enterprise around state soon enough. It doesn't matter what or who she was born as. She is who she is and I love her for being so true to who she feels she is inside.

I know this is a long ass letter but hey, what do you care? You're dead. Must be nice.

I'm kidding of course. I'm in love. I'm about to open up my own ranch and start doing charitable things for the community. I moved my entire life out to the desert. I got a dog and two cows, great friends and a boyfriend who I love and who I think loves me. I couldn't be happier. I just need to think less. Think less. It's gotten me pretty far.

Love you, brother.

Until next time,

Ulrich 

Nothing about this entry seems unusual apart from a light film of dust settled between the pages. The strokes are consistent with someone that would be sitting down to write a letter without any specific intent. The entry is written in pencil.

July 17 1902​

Dearest Tom,

I decided to tell Andy about how you died. I thought it might help him to know that we all have demons. He's gone through hell and back and lived a hundred lives already. He didn't react the best to the story though. I noticed his mood changing once I'd told him what you had done. Perhaps he knew someone in his own life that went out the way you did? I'm not sure. Things seemed better though after we woke up. He read Luce one of my telegrams I'd sent him... one where I'd conveniently signed off "Love, Ulrich". That boy really knows how to make a spectacle out of me.

Chris, Hoof and Imogene introduced me to a Mr. Red Leblanc up at the ranch. Nice guy, made a few jokes, made me laugh uncontrollably when he made a joke about putting the "rich" in "Ulrich". This was all in response to me telling Chris and Hoof that I'm not going to accept payment for any work I do on their ranch. They have done so much for Andy and I - the last thing I want is them spending any more money on me. I mean, they paid for the cows and everything. I will pay them back - and I will work for free. The experience is what I wanted out of all of this anyway. I got a chance to talk to Chris a bit more about ranching and we even got to share a brief conversation about his personal life. He and Hoof have been together since about February - which was far sooner than I'd expected. They look really good together. I hope Andy and I one day end up like that... relying on each other in the ways that count.

I realise I haven't told you some of the more... action packed stories as of late. A few weeks ago Luce and I ran into a deputy named Boyd Langston. He had just woken up from a coma and was trying to get in touch with a doctor in Saint Denis. We escorted him to the doctors office and in an attempt to help his headaches, we accidentally gave him opiate laced tea from someone who claimed to be a doctor. I'm fairly sure it's that same girl that's given me raspberry pies on multiple occasions. She gives a different name and looks slightly different every time I see her. Note to self, don't take food or drink from strangers. Anyway, long story short, I had to introduce myself to this fine man by shoving my fingers down his throat in an attempt to get all of that shit out of his system. We ended up taking him to the sheriffs office where Headin and his wife, Evie were able to help him further.

Later on that evening we ran into Boyd again but this time he was a hostage. The only one of them fuckers I actually recognised was Diamond. After he took me hostage in Strawberry, I'd been keeping tabs on his bounty posters. They forced Boyd to assault Colette in front of us before they slashed him up real good. I had to stitch the poor bastard together but unfortunately he was in a coma again. I hope he's okay, must reach out to him later to check on him. Apparently Lincoln also got himself into some shit and fell into a coma as well. Have some stuff I need to talk to him about regarding ranching.

The last wild tale I have to tell is about Sylvie. Andy, Luce and I were on our way to Valentine to see her. Unfortunately, she'd started picking fights with Ramos' crew using public telegrams and they got to her first. From what I understand they dragged her off to that awful oil rig and shot her in the neck. They rode into Valentine just as we were reporting her missing and dropped her off outside the doctor's office. The deputies went in pursuit and we stayed to guard Sylvie as she got medical attention. Poor girl was traumatised, shaking and stressed out even after she was up and awake. She still couldn't talk by the time we got her to sleep. She stayed with Andy in our bed, while I took to the spare room for the night. I'm not going to lie, it does feel a little weird for my boyfriend to be sharing a bed with someone else... but she's injured and that's far more important than my insecurities.

Speaking of ranching, I lodged our business license application! Andy and I settled on the name: "Sky Pony Ranch". We were staring at the moon with Luce and we made a joke about horses on the moon and it just sort of clicked. It was good timing, too, as we heard from Chris and Red Leblanc that the Eloheh business license is a bit of a mess and that it would be complicated for them to issue us a livestock license if we were to go through Eloheh's business license. I need to speak to Colette and Dakotah about it, but I imagine they'll be okay with us starting our own license and inheriting their cattle. We're more than happy to work with them, of course. Especially if it's providing them with goods from the cows. I got correspondence that none other than Ash Conan has stamped us with the big green tick. Now we just need to do an interview and pay the fees and we should be good to go.

I'm about to open Sky Pony Ranch with my boyfriend. If someone had told me that a year ago I would have just blinked at them. I don't think I'll do much today. I think I'll just hang out in here, the spare bunk bed cabin at Dead Crow. I made sure to tie my collar around the door handle and leave my boots at the door so Andy knows where I am.

Much to do. Keepin' busy.

I should write to mum and dad, I just don't know how to tell them about Andy.

Send me a sign, you little shit. Anything.

Ulrich 

This entry isn't a letter, rather just a short note with a sketch accompanied.

July 18 1902 • Sky Pony Ranch, New Austin​

A sketch of Andy sitting at the Armadillo Post Office.​

Andy's struggling. I can tell. I look into his eyes and, yes, I think I can see that he loves me. But he also looks troubled. His eyes and his words are tired lately. I noticed the extent of his exhaustion on the ride to Saint Denis today, when we went to finalise the business license. Perhaps things are moving too fast - I mean, we went from practically nothing to sharing a bed together in so much as a week, and now with this ranch business... perhaps he's a little overwhelmed. I guess I couldn't blame him if he were.

For me at least, wherever he is, is home... I love him. I just want him to be happy. To feel at peace.

But what if the picture of Andy, happy, at peace, doesn't include me? 

The entry is neatly written, as if the writer was sat down taking his time writing it. There are very few mistakes, and an accompanying sketch.

July 25 1902 • Sky Pony Ranch, New Austin​

Tom,

What a week it's been. Where do I even start? I've made a couple of new friends - some due to my time ranching and some from outside of that. First person that springs to mind is Paddy. Paddy's relatively new to state and he's the new preacher in Valentine. He's tall, ginger, handsome and has a really soothing Irish accent. He's very reserved. I catch him blushing and giggling at passing comments like a teenage boy. First time we met him we took him on a canoeing trip, where Luce had a muscle spasm and almost shot the poor bastard dead in the water. He's been organising soup kitchen events for the needy and it's safe to say, I think Sky Pony is going to have a hand in some of his charitable work. It seems like the perfect opportunity to distribute some of our home grown and farmed products to those in need. Paddy's very sweet, but I worry that things are a little awkward between us after he walked in on me getting changed at the Valentine hotel. His face looked redder than his hair. I did get a little bit of a laugh out of the whole ordeal, I suppose.

Paddy's good friends with someone else I know. I met Felix probably a week before he introduced me to Paddy. Felix is a tiny concentration of the world's chaos in a simple 5 foot something package. He's real innocent - sometimes. He keeps talking about all this "jacking off" that he's doing with his friends, though what he's actually talking about is playing a card game with friends. Little moments like that make me laugh with Felix. I know he's sweet on me, though, which on one hand is really nice - I mean, I'm used to not having anyone look at me twice. Felix and I will never happen though. Even if I did like men other than Andy, I just don't have that click with him. He's very polite about it though, and a very good friend. I don't think I'll ever be able to scrub the memory of him running around with his finger sticking through the zipper of his pants, exclaiming that his willy was wagging. What a laugh. I can see that Luce adores him and loves spending time with him. So do I.

Gen is someone I met through the Dead Crow folks. She works up there as a ranch hand. I met her a while ago but didn't get much time to talk to her but she's been up at the ranch lately when I've woken up. She's kind, funny and she makes fun of Chris a lot which makes me laugh. Chris has the most adorable giggles when he's made fun of playfully and she brings that out of him a lot. She called him bone boy and I near lost it. She's great, I really look forward to running into her whenever I go straying over to Dead Crow. Chris and Hoof, I've mentioned already, but they're truly special. I find myself feeling very comfortable in their company and they're both so supportive of me and Andy. I truly think that wandering into Dead Crow was one of the best decisions I ever made, and that's reinforced every time I see those two. I wish I got to spend more time with them. They probably think I am a massive pain in their backside, especially with all the drama that happened with Eloheh.

The last person that springs to mind that I've met recently is the Bear man that Andy told me about on our first date. Turns out he's good mates with Felix and Paddy. I don't know how to feel about Bear. He's really nice, but perhaps a little full on. He makes Luce and Felix a little uncomfortable with these constant comments about him being their "father". Paddy said that Felix only just lost his real father a few months ago and this strange claim, that Luce and Felix thought was a funny joke, is perhaps going a little far. As far as I go though, he's been nothing but nice and polite. I think he's a little misunderstood.

I got myself pretty badly injured with Luce, Felix and Paddy on Luce's birthday. I feel horrible, like I might have ruined her day. We went canoeing from Coulter to Lake Isabella, but something happened that led Felix, Luce and I to all get knocked out. Locals picked us up and Paddy was nowhere to be found. I had a giant bleeding wound on my head but I couldn't take care of it until I'd found Paddy. I stitched up Felix's head wound and set out looking for Paddy when I found him surrounded by wolves. I managed to save Paddy, stitching him up as well before we headed back to Valentine where Luce and Felix had made their way. Unfortunately, I think I pushed myself a little too hard because half way to Valentine things just sort of... went dark. I woke up later in the doctor's office, struggling to move as my body warmed up. I would say I fucked up and did it to myself but I was the only one there that was really confident in fixing everyone up so I needed to make sure everyone was safe before I got to myself. In any other location on earth I'd probably prescribe to the "Help yourself first, so you can help others" mentality but in the snow of coulter, it's a ticking time bomb for anyone out in the cold.

The next day, I accompanied Luce, Paddy, Felix and Bear to O'Creaghs to go fishing. It's the first time I've been proper fishing since I left Australia and I think I'm finally getting the hang of it! I caught 9 fish in about an hour, so I'll remain well fed for the foreseeable future. It's hard to think that in Australia I lived on Fish and Vegetables, when I've only really eaten fish twice since I arrived in the United States. I might get back into that, it was a relaxing time and I imagine aside from feeding myself, I could probably turn a decent profit. I hear that some of the fishmongers are starting to pay higher prices for fish lately. Must be in higher demand. It was nice to get to do something where no one got injured, for once. I hope it made it up to Luce after the disaster of a birthday she had. I still need to get her birthday present collected. I hope she'll enjoy it.

I've been doing some community work in Armadillo. I figure with Sky Pony being just up the hill south of the town, and it being a relief ranch that I should be doing my part for Armadillo. I donated a bunch of wood to Lincoln before I moved out here, but I also have a pair of hard working hands and a little know-how so why not, right? I joined Chris, Hoof, Imogene and Gen to patch up one of the community buildings. I helped removing rotten weatherboards and installing new ones, carting water for softening the ground, sawing beams out of logs, all sorts of things.

I've been thinking I need to write a letter to mum and dad. I need to write it. I need to send it. I promised them I'd let them know when I got here safely. I just don't know how they'll feel about all of this. That I'm in love with a man, that I'm getting myself into dangerous situations, that I'm happier than ever and don't want to go back home?

I need to do it. It's important. They deserve to know that I'm okay.

P.S - Andy is fantastic. He is doing such a good job, especially now that we have almost 10 head of cattle. We spent an hour talking on the roof of the ranch yesterday about life and it looks like something's clicked for him. He thinks we're the real thing, and if I have anything to say about it... he's right. I love him dearly. Always have. Will do forever if he lets me.

Ulrich 

There is absolutely nothing remarkable or noteworthy about this entry.

July 30 1902 • Saint Denis, Lemoyne​

Tom,

I'm so in love that it's honestly starting to get a little ridiculous. I realised just how badly I love Andy yesterday during a conversation with Luce. Luce and I were talking and somehow got onto the topic of PO Box numbers. She told me that she knows Ash's off by heart and I immediately responded by saying Andy's in less than a moment: 30467. I used to stare at that number for hours, it scribbled on an envelope or at the top of the form... debating whether or not to send the telegram or letter. Oh, how far we've come. I also noticed again when this motherfucking boyfriend of mine started patrolling the outside of the ranch shooting wildlife. I like to think every time he goes out of his way to shoot a giant bird it's because he knows they terrify me.

Andy told me last week that we were expecting a visit from Sebastian. He told me that he'd had a meeting and that Seb understood why Andy wanted to leave the gang and he was... I guess proud of Andy for being the first to jump ship and seek out a better life. Seb arrived at the house just after Sylvie had gotten there and he politely said hi to us before asking to speak to Andy. He seemed a little flustered, but polite. I started feeling better about the ordeal until Andy returned without Seb, saying very simply "We have other company joining him". Next thing you know, Seb returns joined by a significant force of the Ashen as well as Roach and some other man that went by "Tanner" or something.

The meeting was interesting. They did a big chest puff show and tried to look tough but Seb really shot himself in the foot. If he hadn't come up to the ranch just ahead of the others and showed his true personality, I might have fallen for it. I was nervous, don't get me wrong... but it wasn't because I was intimidated or anything. The truth is, whoever said "blood runs thicker than water" has clearly never been in Andy's company when he's talked about the gang. He genuinely cares for these people. They are his family. I was nervous because I wanted them to like me. To trust that Andy's heart is safe with me. That they don't have to resort to intimidation techniques and big words. When Andy hugged them goodbye I got another glimpse of their true selves. I think deep down they are scared of losing Andy forever. Probably why they keep mentioning that they don't see "what he sees" in me - why he would leave them for me.

They came back to Armadillo the day after and warned us that apparently whoever is going after Colette this week is also targeting her friends. I do worry about Colette because she's a dear friend to me but things haven't been the same between us as of late. Andy and I both feel a little let down by the way she handled things with Eloheh. She claims to have said a bunch of stuff to us that neither of us can recall, and it almost feels like she's trying to put the blame on us for things going sour when she's the one that failed to mention key details about the ordeal. All things aside, it was nice that Roach and Seb were looking out for us.

I think I'm really starting to get the hang of ranching. I feel connected to the cows lately in a way that I never really expected. I'm probably just blowing smoke up my own ass but I do feel like I'm quite good at this whole ranching thing. I've caught Andy watching me a few times and it feels nice. Like I'm finally maybe actually impressing him instead of constantly looking like a moron. My first two cows, Luce and Kebbesu have started producing milk today. I got my first 6 bottles of Sky Pony milk! First bottle stays with me until I can give it to Andy. The second went to Sylvie, and the third and fourth went to Luce and Ash. I want to donate the fifth to Paddy - for the church or whatever. I want to give the last one to Chris and Hoof. They started us on this journey and I want to do something nice to show them my appreciation.

I feel like I finally have a family here.

But I still need to write to the family I have back at home.

Thanks for listening to me little brother. Even if...

[The letter seems to just finish here] 

The entry contains a sketch of the Sky Pony Ranch homestead, lovingly referred to as "The Sky". The entry is fairly ordinary by all other means.

August 8 1902 • Sky Pony Ranch, New Austin​

​

Dear Thomas,

It's been a minute since I wrote to you. I still haven't written to mum or dad, nor have I really had time to. I've had a bad week. Honestly, I haven't felt quite this low in a while. The week started alright, really. I ran into Seb at the Armadillo bank and we got chatting. Sure enough I was right, the whole intimidation tactic was a big smoke show. I see why Andy adores him - he joked, he laughed... even said he'd love to go fishing sometime with me and said that I'm family now. Family. In a world where I'm furthest away from any actual family, I have more family than I ever have before.

Then things took a turn. We lost a cow last week. Kebbesu, my star performer - one of the first two cows I raised. She somehow managed to get her legs caught in the cooking fire while I had my head turned talking to Levi. One minute I was watching her graze, then in a matter of seconds the most horrific of cow screams were heard. Levi and I turned just in time to see Kebbesu combust. I should have known it was going to be a bad week after that. I feel like a disappointment. Right as I felt like I was starting to get the hang of ranching - and dare I say - that I was getting good at it... First thing I did was tell Chris about it all. He was really understanding and supportive, told me he's lost a bunch of cows to dumb shit over the past 20 years. I still feel like I've disappointed him and Hoof. I mean, how could they not be disappointed in me? I let a cow go up in flames for fuck sake.

Felix, Paddy, Bear and Luce... God bless them. We went to Guarma together the day after we lost Kebbesu and they made me forget all about it. I think one of the world's pleasures right now is lasso tag with my mates. I don't even care about getting covered in schmud, as long as I'm getting covered in schmud with those idiots. I'm lucky to have them and I should do more to let them know that I feel that way.

I ran into Imogene and Gen at the telegram office the day after. I was so fucking anxious that they'd know all about the cow issue from Chris. They didn't say anything though I think my Guarma outfit made them a little uneasy at first. I look like a bit of a criminal in that getup. I tried not to stick around long as I just felt like they knew about Kebbesu and I couldn't face them. I couldn't face the risk of seeing the disappointed look in their eyes. I headed to Blackwater to meet with Luce and Ash, while we waited for Paddy and Felix. I was really looking forward to hanging out with them and forgetting about everything bad that had happened. I was hoping we'd go wagon racing or on a pirate expedition or something. Something fun. Turns out just after they arrived we got ripped away.

Ash got word from some deputy folks that there were some mass injuries that needed medical attention. Thanks to Colette and her ability to do nothing but inflict injuries on all of us and the fact that Ash can't stay on a horse to save his life, I've learned a few things out of necessity. Stitching up folk has become somewhat second nature to me so off I was dragged. We got to Fort Wallace and sure enough, a few injured law folk lay on the ground - one unconscious and the other writing in pain. Despite the heckling from Diamond - the asshole that took me hostage in Strawberry after he knocked Lincoln out - from behind bars, Ash and I managed to have everyone fixed up after not too long. Some of my finest work, I suppose - though, I was a little emotionally drained by the end of it.

Imogene met me at Sky Pony just as I'd gotten home. She had some baked goods for me - some of which were made with Sky Pony milk. I asked if she'd been told about Kebbesu and turns out she hadn't. I told her myself and she seemed sympathetic though I'm sure she's just as disappointed with me as everyone else at Dead Crow ought to be.

Andy, Sylvie and I went on a trip to thieves landing. Some of Andy's old criminal friends were injured - one of them, Dove, basically on her deathbed. He got a letter and explained "this is one of those times I normally tell you not to follow me. But follow at your own risk". When we got there, Andy ran inside as Sylvie and I waited outside. We eventually headed inside just in time to see Andy administer her some opiates. Said they were medical grade but they didn't look all that medical, if you ask me. Her and the other man, George - went to sleep at Sky Pony that night. We're in the business of helping people. I guess it doesn't matter if they're law abiding or not. We're all human. I had a cry with Sylvie, then Andy afterwards. It was all... a lot. If Andy was in a near death position, what would I do? Would he rather just die than risk sparking his addiction? Would I be strong enough to make that choice? If I made the wrong choice, would it ruin his life?

He and I slept on the roof for a while together but since there were still cows out, I had to go take care of them. I tried to go hang out with Luce, Paddy and Felix but I didn't last very long. I slipped out while they were busy to go to the telegram office to clear my head for a moment but all of the commotion made me feel ill. I don't get sick very often but I think that all of the emotional, heavy moments from the week just made me weak. I sent Luce a telegram to apologise for slipping away and headed home. I've been bedridden since. I heard Andy get up to go to the Armadillo do, but I physically just didn't have the strength to leave. I wanted to go so badly but I just couldn't. All I've done is sleep. I'm glad he went to represent Sky Pony. I just wish I got to go see the work I put in on helping repair the buildings when everyone else was there.

Andy. He's been taking good care of me. Far better care than I think I deserve.

I think I'll leave bed today. I want to write to my friends and apologise and let them know how lucky I am to have them in my life.

August resolution: Be happier.

Everything happens for a reason. These things happened to make me a better person. A better rancher. A better friend. 

The entry contains an accompanying sketch. The sketch looks consistent with past sketches, if a little bit incomplete in comparison to previous sketches. The text, on the other hand, seems to have been written with a different kind of pencil to other entries.

August 15 1902 • Parlour House, Rhodes​

Luce and Ash are engaged. Ash has been talking about it for the longest time, since before my birthday even. It was a beautiful moment on the rooftops of Saint Denis, where they had their first talk about making things official. Felix, Paddy, Melody, Piper, Kennedy and I all hid, waiting on the side of the roof - trying out best not to slide down the tiles. Melody and Felix were making fun of Ash and the way he proposed the entire time, and to be fair, in typical Ash fashion he fumbled over his words and paced around like a lunatic... but that's what made it perfect.

It was so perfectly them. When Luce fell on me on the boat over here I never could have imagined the adventures we'd go on, the people we'd meet, the lives we'd make. She's going to be married. Part of me worries it's too soon, but also, if you both know you want to be together forever then why wait? Luce wants me to be her best person. I thanked her for the opportunity and accepted, of course. I can't lie though I was a tad shocked to hear that she wanted me. I know I've known her the longest but she does get to see a lot of other people more often than she gets to see me, so I wouldn't have blamed her or held it against her if she'd chosen someone else. I guess I should be grateful she still holds me as dear to her as I hold her to me.

I don't know how far along the wedding will actually be but I need to get a nice outfit and somehow con Andy into going to the wedding with me. I don't particularly want to be without a date to a wedding. Sitting alone and watching your best friends get married? No thanks. Not if I can help it.

Speaking of Andy. We went camping the other evening when that dust storm kicked up and made it difficult to speak. He fell asleep quite quickly after the tent was set up but I stayed up a little, fishing under the railway bridge between Flatneck and Riggs. Caught and cooked plenty of fish. It was peaceful. I was a little sad that our day was cut short, but if it's going to get cut short - that's the way to do it.

Things with Andy feel different lately. He seems - he looks - most peaceful, yet it still feels like he's holding back or something. Like there's something he wants to say but won't say it. I can't blame him, really... I mean, I've been trying to build myself up to do something for him for the longest time now and just when I feel like I'm ready to bite the bullet, something happens to stop me. The universe giving him a massive headache, throwing me a storm that makes it difficult to speak, throwing a visitor into our lap... The best way I can explain it is that when I "stopped thinking" and kissed him for the first time, it felt right - it was what I wanted to do - and it felt like the universe was giving me opportunities. This time though, it feels like the universe is actively trying to step in.

Part of me is thinking that I just should forget about it. I mean, the universe is clearly trying to give me an out - no? My heart wants to do it but my head is anxious he's going to laugh at me or make fun of me or think that I'm a giant pathetic idiot. All of the above are reasonable and true, but still. I told him I was worried he'd laugh at me and he responded something along the lines of "Do you really think I'd laugh at you?". Yes. Yes Andy. You laugh at me all the time. I can't count the amount of times I have said something that wasn't supposed to be funny and he just laughed until he was about to pass out. Why am I like this?

Had this really stupid idea to get Felix to help me turn some of my mining efforts into a pair of matching silver and emerald earrings. One for Andy, one for me. Green being his favourite colour, Emerald being the name of the town we used to meet at all the time before he finally started looking at me as more than that guy that shows up sometimes... I didn't really think it all through. I mean, I had to pierce my ear with a suture kit needle and an apple slice and I still didn't even think about whether Andy's ears were pierced.

They're not, by the way. I really am pathetic.

If he'll just hear me out then he might understand...

We're made up of the same blood.

I'll be his medicine if he'll let me,

Give him reasons to get out of bed.

I'm trying to hold off the lightning,

To help him escape from his head.

Throw me in the deep end.

I'm ready now, to swim.

The entry is the first in a few to be addressed to Ulrich's deceased brother. There's nothing else different to note.

August 21 1902 • Parlour House, Rhodes

Tom,

I'm staying at the Rhodes Parlour House - again. I farewelled Andy on his way to New Mexico on Saturday. Sylvie came and joined us to say goodbye. It was a nice afternoon. Andy and I did our whole "moron routine" where we looked out on the desert from a rooftop (of course) and made up some conspiracy story about gila monsters overthrowing the government with the assistance of pronghorns, background actor horses and intelligence sharing turkeys. Of course the coyotes are too cute to be involved in anything nefarious. Andy made me laugh so hard when he referred to us being like a turkey and a horse and before I could even say which of us was which animal, he bet me right to the point. I love our moments like that. Sylvie arrived just in time to see me writhe on the roof in laughter, tears streaming down my face.

I gave him a rucksack of baked goods - all using Sky Pony milk. Figure maybe he can take them in on his visitation to his parents. I am curious, I guess, if they're going to know about Andy's new life... about me. I guess I can't expect him to tell them, I still haven't written to mum and dad. I know I have to. I just... what do I even say? Hi mum and dad. Your son is deeply in love with a man and running a ranch named after horses on the moon. Won't see you at Christmas this year! Bye!

The reason I'm in Rhodes this time around is because there was the Temperance Tea House opening. I wanted to go support Paddy and Felix. I went, albeit at a very late hour for me. Sat down and enjoyed a few cups of Raspberry tea, a small carrot cake and just the atmosphere. I was sat a table over from Obe and Otis. I know a lot of people say they're dangerous and stuff but honestly, I like them. Any time they ever look or sound like they're going to give me trouble, I just say hi to them using their names and they seem to immediately just switch into being friendly. Like if I know them by name, surely I'm a friend. I've only had good memories with Obe and Otis. They actually knew me when I said it was Ulrich - since they didn't recognise me to begin with. I overheard them saying it was nice of me to say hi and goodbye when I left to go to bed. They're troubled but I don't think they're actually evil people.

Now when I think of evil people, that tea lady springs to mind. She showed up to the tea room's grand opening and I immediately clocked on to who she was. I recognise her now when I see her. I told Ash, who was pretending to be Ezra because of the cousins, that I was 99% sure it was her. She's crossed my paths a too many times for me now to not recognise her. She changes up her look slightly and gives a different name each time but I know it's her. Ash wasn't convinced until Paddy came to join us at the sheriffs office, also convinced. By the time law enforcement arrived she had fled. It's kind of ironic that the "tea lady" showed up to the tea room opening. We shouldn't have been shocked.

Paddy and Felix did a great job with the tea room. Luce too! She was waitressing as well. The food was great, the tea was great, the atmosphere was wonderful. I hope they continue operating on weekends around that time so I can go again in the future. It was also really nice to be able to catch up with everyone, especially Ash, who sat with me for an hour and chatted over tea and cake. I told him about the gila monster conspiracy and I think Obe overheard. Think he was captivated by the idea of gila monsters overthrowing the government. I do hope Ash realises I was joking... I know my accent and the way I say things sometimes sounds like I'm serious.

Think I'll try catch Sylvie tomorrow. I don't think I want to do much today. I might write a federal letter to Andy. Not sure it'd get to him but what's the hurt in trying. I hope he's keeping himself safe. I'm sure he is.

'til tomorrow,

Ulrich

The previous entry seems to have been edited - likely a day or so after the entry was originally written. A large section of the letter is almost entirely scribbled out seemingly in frustration. The words "Rest in Peace, Piper" followed by a small heart have been added to the bottom of the entry.

The reason I'm in Rhodes this time around is because there was the Temperance Tea House opening. I wanted to go support Paddy and Felix. I went, albeit at a very late hour for me. Sat down and enjoyed a few cups of Raspberry tea, a small carrot cake and just the atmosphere.

I was sat a table over from Obe and Otis. I know a lot of people say they're dangerous and stuff but honestly, I like them. Any time they ever look or sound like they're going to give me trouble, I just say hi to them using their names and they seem to immediately just switch into being friendly. Like if I know them by name, surely I'm a friend. I've only had good memories with Obe and Otis. They actually knew me when I said it was Ulrich - since they didn't recognise me to begin with. I overheard them saying it was nice of me to say hi and goodbye when I left to go to bed. They're troubled but I don't think they're actually evil people.

Now when I think of evil people, that tea lady springs to mind. She showed up to the tea room's grand opening and I immediately clocked on to who she was. I recognise her now when I see her. I told Ash, who was pretending to be Ezra because of the cousins, that I was 99% sure it was her

[Continued...]

Think I'll try catch Sylvie tomorrow. I don't think I want to do much today. I might write a federal letter to Andy. Not sure it'd get to him but what's the hurt in trying. I hope he's keeping himself safe. I'm sure he is.

'til tomorrow,

Ulrich

Rest in Peace, Piper ♥

The entry is abnormally short for Ulrich's journal. The page shows signs of water damage, as if the author's hands were damp.

August 26 1902 • Sky Pony Ranch, New Austin

Tom,

It's been a long week. I've not felt very motivated this week. Between Andy being out of state and most of my friends waking up soon before I lay my own head to rest, I've spent most of the week alone at the ranch. I've tried my best to keep all the ranch work under control but it's become abundantly clear to me that we have a minimum of two people's worth of animals here. I had to employ the stable man twice to help me manage them all, and seeing as my chickens have a death wish, I can't have them out at the same time as my cattle. None of the animals really seem to be making much progress but hey, they're not going up in flames... so that's good.

Andy gets home today. At least, I hope he does. I haven't heard a single thing which isn't concerning really, until you take into consideration what he'd said to me when he left about making sure he "wasn't followed". The storms have also been more violent this week, I think. Lightning has struck the ranch twice. Thankfully Elsie wasn't collateral damage this time, just some fences. Touch wood.

Melody wrote me back. She seems like she's going through it. I like Melody a lot, but I get the feeling she doesn't quite trust me yet. It must have been difficult for her to write anyone back let alone someone she doesn't trust. I hope I can do something or say something nice to her to make her feel better, but I think with Piper being gone it's just going to take time.

Time. The most abundant and yet limited resource in the universe.

[The entry simply ends here.]

Wild Turkeys

Sharing intelligence from pronghorns and gila monsters.

"The Messengers"

There is a line drawn from the paragraph to the centre of the page.

Coyotes

Innocent. Too adorable to be involved in such a nefarious plot.

There is a line drawn from the paragraph to the centre of the page.

BANDED GILA MONSTERS

These words are circled. This is at the centre of the page, where the lines meet.

Pronghorns

Colluding with gila monsters and sharing intel with them using wild turkeys.

There is a line drawn from the paragraph to the centre of the page.

Desert Iguanas

Partners only to the gila Monsters. Consider them as an extension to the gila monsters.

There is a line drawn from the paragraph to the centre of the page.

Wild Horses

Background actors that are employed to distract onlookers as turkeys deliver information between parties.

There is a line drawn from the paragraph to the centre of the page.

THEY ARE PLOTTING

TO OVERTHROW

THE NEW ALEXANDRIA

GOVERNMENT

[A checkbox has been ticked.] Tell Ash Conan 

The entry is a letter to Ulrich's deceased brother. There is nothing unusual to note about this entry.

August 31 1902 • Sky Pony Ranch, New Austin​

Tom,

Andy got back from his trip this week, thankfully in one piece. He didn't really have a lot to say about his trip other than that he found no trouble, his parents were well and that he's glad to be home. I'm glad he's home too. Having Andy back has been a blessing. I've finally been able to get some proper sleep without waking up in a cold sweat from nightmare after nightmare. I don't know how I lived before Andy started holding me of a night.

Luce and Ash dragged me out to big valley alongside all of mine and their horses. They said it'd be nice to graze all the horses out on the flat, near the stream and the purple fields. It was nice getting to see Rhodes and Marshmallow bond together outside of the barn. I couldn't help but laugh as Luce trotted along with her seventy-five horses in tandem behind her. We sat by the stream for a while and went over their list of invitees for the wedding - querying me if there was anyone they might have missed. It was nice. Afterward we had to make our way to Saint Denis to board a boat to Sisika for Diamond's arraignment.

Sisika was nothing like I expected. It's so much more... beautiful? Peaceful? They had nicer facilities there on prison island than they have in the majority of New Austin. The brickwork on some of those buildings was incredible. Diamond plead not guilty to basically everything, claiming that he couldn't plead guilty to crimes unless he was spoon fed a complete picture of what happened - as if that wouldn't have meant we'd be there for 3 weeks. Ash had to excuse himself from the case after the arraignment as some of the incidents involved himself as a witness or us. I mean, I'm involved in two incidents myself. After the arraignment we were given a tour of some of the facilities. I finally got my wish. I finally got to go to Sisika.

Dove and George are in Sisika awaiting trial. Andy got a letter from George shortly after he stepped off the train. His entire mood changed in a second, his face just sank. I don't really know what to do or say really. He thinks he's responsible for giving Dove a heroin addiction but like I've said to him a thousand times... he did what he thought he was right in the moment. None of us had any time to think about what was going on when Dove was in bad shape. Whether or not it was a mistake, he had her best interests at heart. He wants to visit them - talk to Dove... and wants me to come along with him. I don't know if I should. They don't really know me and I don't really know them. All I know is that Andy looks at George differently to other people. Perhaps not something I really want to see.

I told him that I was scared about our future. I can't really find a good way to articulate what I mean. All I know is that the second that I start enjoying my life, feeling like everything's going to be okay... the universe just finds a way to mess everything up. Any time things in my life have been going my way, it's always been short lived. I guess I'm just scared to bow down and let go of my own issues in case everything blows up in my face. I can tell I hurt his feelings. He thought I was trying to say that I wasn't happy or that I thought he didn't love me, which is so far from the truth. I decided to tear out the poem I wrote about him from my journal and gave it to him, told him to read it sometime when I'm not around.

In other news, we got a new ranch hand. Nice lad named James who's freshly returned to state after a while, from what I gathered. He's a nice fella, but has interesting friends that's for sure. He took Rhodes off me as he was in need of a horse and Rhodes hasn't been getting the attention he deserves. I guess it was a good thing that Luce and Ash dragged us out to graze the horses. Felt like a nice proper send off and goodbye, though, I anticipate I'll be seeing Rhodes with James working on the ranch. Sky Pony Ranch: home to Andy Pink, Ulrich Braun, Elsie Lopez and James Downs. We're a proper ranch now, I guess.

Here's to letting go of the things that are holding us back.

Love,

Ulrich 

The entry is a letter to Ulrich's deceased brother Thomas. It's only worth noting since it's been a while since Ulrich last wrote to his brother, despite most of his early entries being just that.

September 23 1902 • Sky Pony Ranch, New Austin​

Dear Tom,

I just learned from Ash that Boyd was shot dead. I had to leave the room when Ash said he'd died. I just couldn't cry in front of Ash and Luce. I don't even know if I'm supposed to cry... I mean, did Boyd even consider me a friend? The truth is, we hardly ever saw each other... I can only think of two times I'd seen Boyd where I wasn't either saving his life or he was unconscious. Despite all of that, I used to enjoy writing to him. His letters back always made me smile, especially when he thanked me for keeping his spirits up while he was kidnapped a few weeks ago.

I sent him a letter just a day ago... I'd seen his bounty poster plastered up on the walls of the post office and I just couldn't believe that there wasn't more to it. I didn't give a return address or sign my name, but I like to think he'd recognise my handwriting. The letter simply wrote: "I hope that you're okay, Boyd". I can't help but wonder if my soul knew before I did... Would he have even read the letter? Was I too late? I didn't want to ask Ash when exactly it'd happened... there's no one that can tell me that he didn't read it, so that's what I'm choosing to believe. I want to believe that he knew that I was thinking about him and that he knew at least someone cared about him before he went out. That seems more important than the actual truth, whatever it may be.

I had another cry as I opened my notebook. I was looking for a recipe or someone's PO box that I'd written down or something - I hardly remember - when I came across a note from a few months ago. The note simply reads "WRITE TO BOYD LANGSTON FOR FUCK SAKE". I don't think I'll tear that page out. I think I'll keep that one.

[It looks like the author took a break between paragraphs.]

Went on a trip with Luce, Ash, Felix, Paddy and Hamish last weekend. We went up to Coulter and low and behold, it was the first time I've ever been to Coulter and had nothing horrifying happen. It was mostly a good trip, except for the part where a ghost almost locked Luce and I inside of a barn. Seriously. We watched as nobody started rolling the door shut on us. Thankfully we both got out safely. Paddy seems to have loosened up a bit lately. I've always enjoyed his company but up at coulter, it was like he trusted us enough to leave some of his preacher persona behind and let us in on a bit more. I liked it. I liked the trip in general. We got to see the glaciers and even carved our names into them. They're there forever now.

I made my editorial debut in the paper this week too. I wrote in to The Cunning Eye about my feelings toward this stupid case going on with Ash. I decided I should tell Ash before it got published, so I waited until Roberta had confirmed it'd be in the next edition. Luce, Ash and I took a ride around and I told him then. He seemed a tad anxious but I think he enjoyed the sentiment. So far it seems I may have ruffled some feathers. I don't think anyone aside from who I've told suspects it's me... which is probably for the best. Perhaps once this is all over, I'll reveal myself. Maybe. Who knows.

I wrote to the folks. I don't know how they'll react to the news. I guess we'll see. Letters take a while to get back home.

I love you mate. Miss you every day.

Ulrich

[There is a sketch of the coulter mountains and ice lake on the following page]

The entry is a letter to Ulrich's deceased brother Thomas. It contains a sketch of a goat with the caption "Dead Crow Ranch, Home of the Goats (and Chris...)"

October 3 1902 • Sky Pony Ranch, New Austin​

Tom,

A lot has happened since I last wrote anything in this journal. My letter to the editor about the Governor got published, along with a second letter I wrote for the following edition. I went from being anonymous disgruntled citizen to people knowing who I am overnight. I ran into several people the other day that all said "Wait you're the newspaper man!" when I said my name was Ulrich. It feels a little weird, but from what I gather, people seem to have resonated with what I wrote. The Governor's response was an utter joke, if I'm honest. Especially the last paragraph. From what I gather, it pissed off people across all ends of opinion. Whatever, clearly he just doesn't get it.

I've been trying my best to get my ranching chores done but it's been made difficult thanks to an Australian man by the name of Seth Givens. Seth pointed a gun at me in Armadillo, which I found to be quite rude in that every fellow Australian I've met has had the "We have each other's backs" attitude. He tied me up and took me to a graveyard outside of town and asked me what my favourite finger was. I started preparing myself for a lot of pain, knowing that if I was going to walk out of the situation alive, it was likely going to be with one or more fingers missing. Luckily he just, you know, tore off two of my fingernails with a knife and rubbed salt into them. The entire ordeal was confusing, not helped by him constantly mentioning that he liked me, that none of this was personal and that all of it was Mr. Longmire's fault. He even gave me ten dollars and a lift back to Armadillo. I reported it to Fletcher and sent Mr Longmire the letter that Seth instructed me to, telling him what had happened and making it clear that Seth wanted him to know it was his fault.

I woke up the next morning to a series of concerned telegrams from friends of mine all over the place. I hadn't told anyone other than Fletcher, Luce and Ash. I assumed Franklin might have told someone but later I ran into Raven McCoy. I always liked Raven. She's always been kind to me, especially when she gave me a lift to Armadillo when Marshmallow went missing. She pulled me aside and apologised. Apparently Seth had blamed the incident on her too. She told me that when news broke, most of New Austin were outraged and that the ranching community alike all had my back. I could have cried then and there to be honest. Sometimes I forget that people know who I am let alone give two fucks about me.

There's so much community in New Austin... so much love in the ranching community. It got me thinking about the future. I started thinking maybe I could do more. More for ranchers, I mean. I spoke to Chris about possibly one day putting my foot forward for the livestock commission. He seemed to think it was a good idea, but I'm still a little unsure. I operate at strange hours and don't make it to many ranching events... it'll be difficult to build up enough of a reputation with my schedule. Who knows. Andy made a comment yesterday that threw me a little. He started talking about children... and not just any children but our children. Would they look like him? Would they look like me? Would they be tall like me or short like him? What would we name them?

I didn't really know how to answer. The truth is, I've never really thought about kids. Not in general, especially not with Andy. Maybe I should be thinking about kids... I mean, most people my age back home were married and with kids. At the bare minimum, it's nice to know that Andy cares about me enough to consider a family.

I drew this horrifying goat from Dead Crow that's been haunting my nightmares. It attacks me every time I go there. Hopefully it can haunt your dreams now too, little brother.

Ulrich

[A sketch of a horrifying looking goat is attached, captioned "Dead Crow. Home of the Goats (and Chris...)]